Fashion Model On The Job

FFA

Today's Topic: If I Were a Fashion Runway Model...

Minx. Call me Minx. I have clawed myself into the revolving world of fashion. I have no contact with the outside world, no real friends to speak of, more men at my disposal than humanly attainable and my closet is infested with the latest Parisian masterpieces. Food and nutrients mean nothing to me, they are for the weak and the ugly. Dignity is mine because I am…a Fashion Runway Model.

Whether it is a hideous pair of trousers, an ostentatious strip of skirt, a flailing, oversized boa or merely bare threads of metallic leather clad to my loins, I marvel in my ability to confidently march the runway. I am a professional clothing navigator, a Tigress, a force to be reckoned with.

The thrill of the catwalk pulses in my veins, clearly visible beneath my pallid, skeletal frame. It surges through my brain virtually renders me senseless and graciously overruns the sharp, taut hunger pains that course through my body down to my third set of prosthetic ankles.

I am at the top of my game until the weight of my eye shadow compromises my equilibrium and into the sea of earthlings I plummet. Time and time again, history repeats itself and I am left to rise above the mass of hysterical spectators. But the shame and degradation are nothing to me because I AM…a Fashion Runway Model.

ENOUGH!

So, I was browsing for dresses online this morning and found this ad. I was humored at first, but after further thought, I am ready to scream...I have about had it! And since this is the best place for me to voice my opinion -here it is:

"Get the hips and bootie you have always wanted:
Bigger
Bubbly
Rounder
Curvier
Raised
Peach-shaped
Extra “Junk in the Trunk”
or at Least J Lo’s, or Beyonce’s Sexy Bottoms"

"Peach-shaped"? So, if your butt is orange-shaped or even pineapple-shaped, you're out of luck in the sexy department?

PEOPLE! Enough is enough! Let us be who we are and have the chance to actually enjoy it without a constant barrage of infomercials and products telling us we can't be happy just the way we are. Has it really come down to this?

It's interesting that my size of 10/12 is this world's version of obese and yet, when I talk to my grandma, she is sad that she has gone from a 14 to a 12 because now she'll look "older". Hooray for Grandma who helps me keep perspective! I am so tired of the never-ending politics around size and image. What's wrong with just covering our nakedness, being happy with it and moving on?

Don't get me wrong - I think eating healthy and exercising are important, but it's time to boycott the products and diet trends that create unnatural lifestyles. Moderation in ALL things. Stop the obsessions!

And I truly do apologize if you own this article of "clothing". I mean no disrespect. I hope you are enjoying your "bubbly, peach-shaped" butt.

EASTER 2008

Easter Morning - The Easter Bunny didn't come to our house on Sunday morning this year. Instead he visited on Friday night, in the hopes that Sunday would be calm and non-commercialized. To aid in this anti-chaos pledge, Mr. Bunny only brought the kids an outfit and a special chocolate egg. Very simple...up until we went outside to take a few photos of the occasion! (As a result, Easter pictures have just been moved to any day but Sunday).

For starters, the lighting was all wrong, no matter where I tried to stage the kids. They were either squinting, in shadow or both. To top off the frustration of location, my batteries died, again and again. We spent 30 minutes trying to find batteries in the house that would give enough juice to run the camera, from the flashlights in the drawer to the video game controllers. We even emptied batteries out of the old camera. Each time we switched batteries we were able to take one, maybe two pictures before the camera died. On the fourth switch in batteries, mom's patience had run out and unfortunately the goofy smiling kids took the brunt. You can't get kids to smile naturally by telling them to quit looking so "dorky", which was the only nice word I could come up with due to my exhaustion with the camera. Poor kids.

After all that, I downloaded the pictures and only half of them were viewable. I guess the loss in battery power screwed everything up. So, here's the best we could come up with for Easter Pictures 2008. Good job kids! Despite a cranky mom, you still managed some beautiful smiles.

FFA - A brief intro.

FFA (a.k.a. - Future Farmers of America) is a well known established "club" at Spanish Fork High School. The closest I ever came to being a part of this elite group was when I was secretly nominated to be part of the Harvet Royalty (or in other words the special Ball for all FFA advocates and members, although it was open to the general populous of the school).

In order to be queened, we had to perform random acts of farmness. Like, drive a tractor (in this case a riding lawn mower that looked like a tractor) through an obstacle course; best time won. The girl who could launch a bale of hay the furthest added points to her total. We wrestled pigs, in a pen full of jello, decorated cakes and the grand-daddy of them all - sewed our own aprons. I knew I was the furthest from being crowned queen when I couldn't catch the little piggy, but the day of the apron contest was a deafening blow.

I showed up with a simple plaid apron that looked more like a painting smock. It was trimmed in biased tape and couldn't have taken more than an hour to cut and make (although I wouldn't really know, because I think my mom did most of it). As I entered the room where the other contestants had displayed their goods, I wanted to laugh out loud at my pale comparison (laughing was better than crying). Each girl had created an ensemble any FFA homemaker would be proud of. They were trimmed in ruffles, had yards of fabric for the full twirl, and cute, trimmed-in-lace pockets. You name it - they had it all.

I didn't even win the runner up, but then I never had a fighting chance to begin with. This is why I am pleased to say the new and improved FFA is something I can cope with. There are no rules, no judges and best of all no bacon chasing and apron sewing. Hope you all enjoy what comes out of these free-for-alls.

FFA -(Friday Free for All)

TOPIC: For reasons beyond your powers to comprehend, you know that you will soon become the sole survivor of a trans-Atlantic plane crash and will be stranded on a desert island. You do not question your new-found psychic powers, but instead, you start packing the essentials. What 10 things will you take with you?

In order of importance:

1. A HARDBACK COPY OF ISLAND OF THE BLUE DOLPHINS. This is the only survival guide I’ll need. If she can do it, I can do it! And if it proves to be worthless in times of desperation, I can always convert the hard cover into a fashionable covering to protect my head from the blistering, tropic sun and then burn the pages to cook my supper.

2. PORTABLE DVD PLAYER. Cast Away starring Tom Hanks will already be in the machine (I’m a very organized packer). What I don’t learn from Dolphin Girl, I’ll pick up on in this educational movie. I plan to use scraps of metal from the rim of my suitcase to transmit electricity from the tropical lightening storms that will roll in from time to time. The electric current generated will power my player long enough to learn how Tom cooks crab beyond it’s runny, liquid-sand state; the next storm will allow me to see how he constructs a shelter and so forth, and so on.

3. FASHIONABLE ISLAND WEAR. It is imperative that one looks good while scavenging for food. My outfit consists of remnants of animal skin to cover the essentials. (Essentials for this girl include shoulders, chest, tummy, back and the skins will come to just above my knees.) Sports Illustrated will not be stopping by for the occasional photo shoot. I might be stranded, but I will not lose my dignity! Flips flops (not to be confused with “thongs”) will dress my feet and I’ll wear small dolphin earrings with swirly blue stones embedded in the silver body for a finishing touch. (In honor of my mentor…)

4. A FLASHLIGHT. Doesn’t this accompany all survival kits? I can only imagine how dark it will get without city streetlights! I’ll need to see my way at night in case I have business to take care of.

5. A PICK AND SHOVEL (TRAVEL SIZE). These are for digging in the soil to harvest ore and other earthen materials. From which I will make cooking tools and killing tools.

6. PAPER AND PENCIL. For two reasons: I will want to draw all the beautiful scenery and after spending some time on this island, I am bound to come up with all sorts of creative crafts. By recording the instructions, complete with illustrations, I will by able to publish a book, Carillisa’s Caribbean Crafts, upon return to the States. The royalties will more then compensate me for my trouble while stranded. (Check your local Deseret Book for specials and promotions).

7. SUNSCREEN AND LIP PROTECTANT. I have very fair skin and I care about sunspots and skin cancer. Besides, my lips will boil over and pop without it.

8. LEATHER STRAPS. I don’t know why, but they always seem to come in handy for those survival experts on Discovery Channel. They’re sure to be useful if my flip flops should fall apart and need new toe straps.

9. WATER SHOES. I will have to spear fish for my supper and in order to do that, it will be necessary to enter the ocean. I hate, HATE touching seaweed and craggly rocks with bare feet! My skin crawls just thinking about it. Water shoes will allow me to focus on fish and not the random materials weaving and sifting through my toes. Eeew!

10. HMMM...IT'S A TOSS UP BETWEEN WATER-PROOF MATCHES AND EARPLUGS. I think earplugs are going to have to win on this one. I can’t sleep without them and as everyone knows, sleep deprivation causes death almost as fast as starvation. Only in this case, there’s bound to be fruit and berries I can forage without needing a fire to cook. The loss of sleep is sure to kill me faster than anything else, except maybe a wandering, woman-eating monkey, but I’ll have a killing tool (see #5) to deal with that, but only after a good night’s rest.

You know, this whole “stranded on a desert island” scenario won’t be so bad. With the right gear and proper planning, you can turn any desperate situation into an upbeat and positive one! (Maybe I’ll write a book about that too…)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GAVIN!

Wow! Time flies when you're havin' fun! What happened to the last 11 years...?

Gavin turned 11 years old on the 14th of March. He officially considers himself "pre-teen" now.

A Smile For Her Cousins

Allison is feeling much better these days. The shock is starting to wear off and we are getting back to normal (if you can consider our lives before-hand "normal"). Allison has even been giving herself shots since Saturday. She does all the calculations, we double check and she gives the shot.

I told her that a lot of friends and family were concerned about her, especially her younger cousins. So...here's some happy photos of Allison eating ice cream.


She thinks she's funny. I told her I wanted a photo of her eating ice cream...her version wasn't quite what I had in mind.

A Child's Prayer

Occasionally, kids will say something in their prayers that make their parents chuckle. Last night was once of those times. Allison said the family prayer and asked Heavenly Father to please bless her mom, that she would get better at giving her shots so they wouldn't hurt anymore. She then blessed Gavin that he would learn how and be able to help her if she needed it. I waited for her to mention something about her dad, but her prayer ended. Unlike her mother, he gives the perfect shot and needed no extra blessing from heaven.

(Honestly, if dad's around, she'd rather him give the shots than anyone else, but this morning I gave the shot and she informed me that I am getting much better - it's true then, God answers prayers.)

Diabetes Diva

As some of you already know, Allison was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes on Monday. We have known that Allison wasn't feeling like herself for quite some time. For the past few months we have managed to find a reason for every one of her symptoms, none of which had anything to do with the truth.

We had an appointment for her eyes to be checked because of the blurriness; she was scheduled to have her tonsils out in a couple of weeks to take care of her overall not feeling well and always being tired; we figured she drank a lot to ease her chronic sore throats; her weight loss was just a bodily change from her latest growth spurt...we didn't realize it was 12 pounds in 6 weeks. It wasn't until Alece mentioned Diabetes that we began to put the puzzle pieces together. After checking the Mayo Clinic's website Sunday night, we realized that all these symptoms could possibly be being caused by only one thing, Diabetes.

We took her to the doctor Monday morning to confirm our suspicions were wrong, but instead we found ourselves in the hospital three hours later. From that point on things were a whirlwind. They refer to it in the hospital as Diabetes Boot Camp. A lot of information was crammed down our throats in a very short amount of time. We were scared and nervous, but everything is going better now. We're home and that can sometimes make all the difference!

Here are some pictures of the blessed event:

She wasn't a fan of giving herself a shot, something the nurses wanted her to do before she left the hospital. In the end, the nurse inserted the needle and Alli pushed the plunger to inject the insulin. It goes against all human nature to jab a sharp object into your own fleshy parts.


But, despite her downs, she still managed to keep her sense of humor about it - most of the time.





She perked right up teaching her brother and friends how to give a shot. She acted like an old pro, but in the end, the orange was much easier to try on than actual leg. Rufus was a teddy bear that one of the volunteer groups provided for her to practice shots on. He had a colorful patch on all the injection sites and an I.D. tag just like the one Alli will need to wear.



Talk about loot! We had a lot of friends and family send or bring all kinds of things for Allison to stay happy and entertained with. She had so much to to do the t.v. was hardly ever on. She made bracelets, played with paper dolls, and thoroughly enjoyed the tangram puzzle game. Thanks to everyone! It really made these hospital days bearable.



Nighttime was hard. She just wanted to go home and be in her own bed away from nurses who were constantly waking her up to prick her fingers and squeeze all the juice out of them.


She received some cute pajamas from some good friends and a teddy bear, "Fuzz Ball", from the girls at her dad's work. The little doggie was from her Aunt Barbie and Shelly. She named this little dog "Spikes" in memory of her first day full of needles. In her own words, she "wouldn't have made it through her first day without him". Every time they pricked her finger or gave her a shot she held on to that little dog with clenched fists. If it hadn't been so sad, it would have been cute. These two stuffed animals were in her arms the entire stay, especially during the hard parts.





The arsenal we were sent home with, not to mention the 7 prescriptions to be filled. Manuals on Diabetes, nutrition binder, handbooks, needles, meters, nutrtion travel books...etc., etc., etc.